How to clean up after an Upper Decker

upper decker
Wear Gloves! Please Wear Gloves!

You have been the victim or the proud recipient of an upper decker prank (depending on your perspective).  Now what?  Unless you are some sort of strange hoarder of feces, it is time to do some clean-up.  If you have oodles of money at your disposal, you can always call a plumber – but do you really want to explain why you have a deuce in the back of your toilet tank?  As long as your upper decker bandit dropped a D that fell somewhere near the normal range, you should be fine.

Step 1: Remove any solid matter from the back of the tank.  Gross, I know, but  very important.  Buy a fish net or a pair of elbow high rubber gloves.  Dispose of the equipment immediately.  Also, the good news is that when you get that “solid matter”, you can drop it directly into the bowl.  At this point, you have completed the hard part associated with cleaning up an upper decker!

Step 2: Once you remove the solid matter, flush repeatedly until the bowl is clean.  Upon examining diagrams, the water from the tank flushes when the “flush valve” is activated and the “flapper” raises.  This sends the water down the Inlet and into the (I kid you not) “rim holes” or “wash down orifices.”  If you don’t feel like the water is flowing as usual, you may have some solid matter stuck between the flapper and the wash down orifices.  Flush again, keep the flapper raised, and pour some warm water through the Inlet.  This will help to break up the solid matter. Repeat until the water is flushing clean.

Step 3: Disinfecting.  Although you now have a toilet tank upper decker free, it will be quite a while before you stop seeing the shadow of the prank on the back of your eyelids.  This is normal.  That image will fade quickly if you fully clean and disinfect the bowl and the tank.  Use caution if you choose to put bleach or a bleach tablet in the tank, as it can cause some erosion on the rubber parts of your toilet assembly.  Personally, I think a little bit of bleach or a drop in tablet for a week or so after the offending incident is okay as long as you flush frequently and remove after a week or so.  Another option is to dilute bleach in a spray bottle, flush with the tank lid off, and spray the full tank down.  Let the tank refill, and flush again.

Good luck…and remember…hey, it’s just poop.   We all do it.


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Upper Decker Etiquette: Prank or Lavatory Terrorism

The Upper Decker – A Bold Move!

You’ve just made a very bold move at a party. No, you didn’t just make a move on the hottest girl (or guy) there, you just made your bowel move while perching over the toilet tank. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who have deposited an upper decker and people who have not. You just joined the elite group. But what is the right protocol? Where do you put the toilet paper? Do you initiate the first flush? Do you wash your hands?

You have a couple things to ask yourself – Do I want to lose a friend and gain an arch nemesis?  Should I keep things civil and “clean” so this unconventional prank will be seen as good-hearted?  Is this an act of lavatory terrorism?  First off, don’t be gross, you definitely need to wash your hands.  Let’s talk about the friendly prank.

Friendly Prank: This is going on the assumption that you want to remain friends with the owner of the toilet. Good.  People need friends, especially the kind of person that poops in the tank, you freaky upper decker fiend.  You should most definitely put the toilet paper down in the toilet bowl as normal.  Go ahead and flush since that will get the process going and the toilet owner will be alerted of the brown deposit sooner rather than later.  For the bolder, poop aficionado don’t flush and let the next bathroom visitor find the mess.

Lavatory Terrorism: In this case, the toilet owner is not your friend or has somehow wronged you or your close family.  The dude has some shit coming his way, literally.  Go on and drop your deuce in the top tank. You’ve gone rogue already by taking part in the delicacy of the  upper decker. You can leave that TP darn near anywhere: drawers, cabinets, trash cans, medicine cabinets, etc…  The sky is the limit here and you’re only limited by your imagination.  Again, please, please, please, wash your hands! I can’t emphasize it enough, especially if you’re putting used toilet paper all over the place!  You will want to lock the door of the bathroom and leave immediately because the next person going in that bathroom is not going to be happy.

What do YOU think?  Leave us comments about your take on upper decker etiquette.

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!

The Ultimate Prank: Upper Decker With Fake Poop (Upper Decker Toilet Prank)

 Why Use Fake Poop for an Upper Decker

fake poopIf the idea of doing a number 2 in the tank of a toilet is not sitting well with you, but you love and appreciate a good prank, consider the fake poop  (FP) upper decker option.  This simple option allows all the shock of an upper decker without the associated clean-up.  Another plus is that you will want to hang around and take the credit; no worries about an over-reacting angry homeowner.  In many ways, this option is far superior to actually shitting in a toilet.  Also, if you’re a girl (calling you a lady would be a little presumptuous!), you can pull off this prank without losing too much face.  I mean, if you’re a chick taking an upper decker, well, I’m not sure what to think about that.

Where Do You Find Fake Poop?

Of course, this will take some planning, because you will need some FP.  Surprisingly enough this is not too difficult to find.  You can try to find a novelty shop locally, and here at we do fully support local businesses when ever we can.  We live in a consumer age, and there are a variety of sizes and colors to choose from, and also different animal varieties (human, dog, etc). With Amazon Prime, you can have this shipped to you in 2 days for free so it is a no brainer.  Don’t stress about your selection or worry too much about the authenticity.  After all, I’m sure there have been some number 2’s that have come out of you that no one would have believed!

I have fake poop – Now What?

fake poopOnce you procure your FP you need to do a test to make sure that it sinks.  Any vessel of water works for this test – a bowl of water, a glass of water, a decanter of wine, or a sink of water.  I would not recommend trying the sinker floater test in any hot beverage, especially hot chocolate or coffee.  Don’t ask how I know.  If you really want to be authentic I suggest trying it in your own toilet tank.  It will give you the proper perspective, and allow you to experiment with placement for the eventual prank.  If your FP is a floater, you will need to weigh it down.  You can easily accomplish this with a small rock  and a little glue.  Another great option if you’re a fisherman (or fisherwoman), is fishing weights.  You can thread a few inches of fishing line (Fluorocarbon variety with a 6# or greater rating is recommended) through the FP and attach the weights.  It is a nice touch if you make the FP really heavy for some unsuspecting toilet cleaner to find later.


Peanuts for an upper decker
Peanuts for an upper decker

A mixture of sinker and floaters is another option.  This adds another layer of authenticity and complexity, and it’s well worth the effort.  If you’re taking these steps, consider taking along a dozen kernels of canned sweet yellow corn and a dozen boiled peanuts.  I think you know what these are for and they do really make a difference.  Roasted peanuts are alright also since most people may not have boiled peanuts handy.

Continue reading “The Ultimate Prank: Upper Decker With Fake Poop (Upper Decker Toilet Prank)”

The Best Meal To Have Before an Upper Decker

This is a topic of great debate. What should you eat before you take an upper decker? Well, I must say you normally don’t plan too far out for an upper decker, and it really does depend on your bowel movement schedule. However, for those especially sick people that really don’t have anything else going on in their lives or anything to live for, you may actually plan out your meal before an upper decker.   If I was a betting man, I would say that the kind of person that would shit in another man’s toilet tank ain’t the kind of man that plans ahead. Who am I to judge others?

Homemade Meal: Baby Back Ribs

The down side for this option is you really have to plan ahead.  I mean, you have to know that you want to drop an upper decker the day before. The great part is that you will really enjoy the anticipation by preparing the meal, it’ll taste great, and then the porky goodness will find a new (temporary) home in the cozy toilet tank.

  • upper decker
    I want my Baby Back Ribs! Thanks J.Abroad!

    1 slab of baby back pork ribs

  • 2-3 TBS of your favorite spice rub
  • Your favorite BBQ Sauce for glazin
  1. Peel off the membrane on the bone side of the slab.
  2. Generously cover the slab with the spice rub then cover with plastic wrap. Place in the fridge for at least 3 hours or over night.
  3. Smoke the ribs over cherry or apple wood for 3 hrs at 225F.
  4. Wrap the ribs tightly with a pouch of foil. Before closing up the pouch, add 1/3 cup of apple juice, beer, or orange juice.
  5. Place the foil pouch of ribs in an oven, smoker, or grill at 300 for 2 hours.
  6. Remove the ribs from the pouch, lightly glaze, then broil or grill for a 1-2 minutes to caramelize slightly.
  7. Let cool for 3-5 mins, put on a bib, and enjoy!

 International Flair

Check out your nearest Indian restaurant.  Go for something special, like goat.  Be bold.

upper decker
Goat Curry! Thanks E.Kim!

You’re going to be make a bold move later when you lay out the upper decker.  I would suggest you refer to the spiciness indicator on the menu, usually a little pepper icon.  The more peppers the better, and don’t worry if the server isn’t on board. In fact, the server will probably warn you and highly recommend that you do not have the 10 star spiciness level – ignore the recommendation. You need to have some fiery food. This will add an exclamation point when the poor fool cleans up that toilet.

Fast Food Option

upper decker
Nom Nom Nom. Taco Bell Brings the Upper Decker Strong. Thanks L.Bennett

Well, this one is easy.  Taco Bell. Pretty much anything will do but you may want to focus on the cheapest menu items here.  What’s the point if you’re just going to take a shit as an act of vandalism? I would highly suggest a taco party pack – the volume of food and the corresponding poop will help make your point.

Gluten Free

Uh, what? Just have a pot of beans.  Any kind of beans will do.

Vegan Options

Well, you dirty hippy, see above.  Maybe you can have some quinoa if you want to mix it up a bit.  Add some sticks and berries if they are in season.

Lactose Intolerant

upper decker
That’s longer than I expected! That’s what she said! Thanks Pam&Frank

I truly have sympathy for you.  What a miserable existence if you’re missing out on cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, yogurt, and milk. This one is easy though.  You’ll want to have a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, any flavor will do.  The best part about being lactose intolerant is that you will be able to unload an upper decker in short order!

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!