Here is our latest submission from Cliff in Georgia. They are a little weird in the south!
My girlfriend has always had a weird sense of humour, so I decided to pull a trick on her. I’ve always enjoyed weird humour as well, so this wasn’t the first time I decided to play a prank on her. We both go to a college in Georgia; I belong to a fraternity and she belongs to a sorority. She is studying to be an elementary education teacher; she hopes to teach 2nd or 3rd grade some day. I’m studying to be a geography teacher because I’ve always liked to travel from place to place.
When we aren’t working hard at our studies we like to play jokes on each other. Every few days or so, we will play a joke on each other. She gave me a glass of juice last, however, I knew it was more than juice when I started to drink it. As it turns out, the drink had alcohol on it; she had spiked my juice. To get her “back”, I decided to put an upper decker in the toilet for her to find. If you aren’t sure what that means, it’s pooping in the upper part of the toilet; the next person will get pure poop at the sorority party.
Even though it will cause terror in the people who get to clean up the poop. I decided to sneak into her sorority party, so I could leave the upper deck when she least suspects it. Since we play so many jokes on each other; she often doesn’t trust the things I say to her or the things I do for her. We both understand the jokes are meant to be in good fun though, so no one takes it personally at the end of the day.
I tiptoed into her sorority bath as quietly as I could to plant the upper decker. I held my poop until I got there, and pooped in the upper decker. I knew she would probably be the next person to use the toilet, so I waited. I had my friend tell her sorority friends that bathroom was “out of order;” until she got there. I waited close by to get a response from her. She said she thought it was an accident; but she quickly realized this was a joke I would pull on her. She called me, and said she enjoyed the joke I played on her. She said she would think of a joke to play on me in a few days!
If the idea of doing a number 2 in the tank of a toilet is not sitting well with you, but you love and appreciate a good prank, consider the fake poop (FP) upper decker option. This simple option allows all the shock of an upper decker without the associated clean-up. Another plus is that you will want to hang around and take the credit; no worries about an over-reacting angry homeowner. In many ways, this option is far superior to actually shitting in a toilet. Also, if you’re a girl (calling you a lady would be a little presumptuous!), you can pull off this prank without losing too much face. I mean, if you’re a chick taking an upper decker, well, I’m not sure what to think about that.
Where Do You Find Fake Poop?
Of course, this will take some planning, because you will need some FP. Surprisingly enough this is not too difficult to find. You can try to find a novelty shop locally, and here at upperdeckerpics.com we do fully support local businesses when ever we can. We live in a consumer age, and there are a variety of sizes and colors to choose from, and also different animal varieties (human, dog, etc). With Amazon Prime, you can have this shipped to you in 2 days for free so it is a no brainer. Don’t stress about your selection or worry too much about the authenticity. After all, I’m sure there have been some number 2’s that have come out of you that no one would have believed!
I have fake poop – Now What?
Once you procure your FP you need to do a test to make sure that it sinks. Any vessel of water works for this test – a bowl of water, a glass of water, a decanter of wine, or a sink of water. I would not recommend trying the sinker floater test in any hot beverage, especially hot chocolate or coffee. Don’t ask how I know. If you really want to be authentic I suggest trying it in your own toilet tank. It will give you the proper perspective, and allow you to experiment with placement for the eventual prank. If your FP is a floater, you will need to weigh it down. You can easily accomplish this with a small rock and a little glue. Another great option if you’re a fisherman (or fisherwoman), is fishing weights. You can thread a few inches of fishing line (Fluorocarbon variety with a 6# or greater rating is recommended) through the FP and attach the weights. It is a nice touch if you make the FP really heavy for some unsuspecting toilet cleaner to find later.
A mixture of sinker and floaters is another option. This adds another layer of authenticity and complexity, and it’s well worth the effort. If you’re taking these steps, consider taking along a dozen kernels of canned sweet yellow corn and a dozen boiled peanuts. I think you know what these are for and they do really make a difference. Roasted peanuts are alright also since most people may not have boiled peanuts handy.
I work at a Taco Bell in Nashville. I haven’t been there long, so I have bathroom clean-up duty. What the hell is wrong with you people? Less than half of the people who use the toilet flush. It’s not clogged or anything, they just don’t flush. Someone new comes in to use the bathroom, and instead of flushing they move to the other stall. At least three times a day the manager gets notified that the bathroom needs to be cleaned and we already check it once an hour. I guess beans and processed cheese go straight through you. I swear if people would just flush their own shit Taco Bell could probably go back down to 49 cent taco prices.
One fun customer put a new twist on my daily bathroom torture duties. I went in at the normal time to the regular clogged toilets, piss and paper towels on the floor. At least it appeared that all the shit had made it into the toilet and not on the walls this time, so things were looking up. The first stall was legitimately clogged, so I grabbed the plunger and went to work. No problem except for the idiot who filled the toilet with toilet paper. It’s not a contest, dude.
The second stall was a little different. It was full of piss, but that was all. I flushed. The piss went down, the brown came in. What? I flushed again, and got more of the same. I pulled the lid off the tank, and as it was filling up, I saw what looked like a huge disintegrating turd. I couldn’t believe some asshole customer dropped an upper decker. There was no way in hell I was cleaning that shit up.
After I finished dry heaving I replaced the toilet lid and finished picking up the rest of the bathroom. Then I sprayed air freshener all over the bathroom. Hey all you cheap ass customers out there – just because it smells clean doesn’t mean it is. The next day was my day off, so I did 100 jumping jacks to work up a little sweat, let my heart rate calm down, and then told my manager I got sick and needed to go home. He looked at me a little funny, but he’s an asshole anyways. Luckily there has been some flu going around here lately and he’s a pansy ass little prick who is afraid of germs. Dude – don’t work at a Taco Bell then. I’m not sure what I’ll do next time. Maybe I need to start looking for a fast food restaurant I can work at that doesn’t have tanks on the back of the toilet.