Upper Decker Etiquette: Prank or Lavatory Terrorism

The Upper Decker – A Bold Move!

You’ve just made a very bold move at a party. No, you didn’t just make a move on the hottest girl (or guy) there, you just made your bowel move while perching over the toilet tank. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who have deposited an upper decker and people who have not. You just joined the elite group. But what is the right protocol? Where do you put the toilet paper? Do you initiate the first flush? Do you wash your hands?

You have a couple things to ask yourself – Do I want to lose a friend and gain an arch nemesis?  Should I keep things civil and “clean” so this unconventional prank will be seen as good-hearted?  Is this an act of lavatory terrorism?  First off, don’t be gross, you definitely need to wash your hands.  Let’s talk about the friendly prank.

Friendly Prank: This is going on the assumption that you want to remain friends with the owner of the toilet. Good.  People need friends, especially the kind of person that poops in the tank, you freaky upper decker fiend.  You should most definitely put the toilet paper down in the toilet bowl as normal.  Go ahead and flush since that will get the process going and the toilet owner will be alerted of the brown deposit sooner rather than later.  For the bolder, poop aficionado don’t flush and let the next bathroom visitor find the mess.

Lavatory Terrorism: In this case, the toilet owner is not your friend or has somehow wronged you or your close family.  The dude has some shit coming his way, literally.  Go on and drop your deuce in the top tank. You’ve gone rogue already by taking part in the delicacy of the  upper decker. You can leave that TP darn near anywhere: drawers, cabinets, trash cans, medicine cabinets, etc…  The sky is the limit here and you’re only limited by your imagination.  Again, please, please, please, wash your hands! I can’t emphasize it enough, especially if you’re putting used toilet paper all over the place!  You will want to lock the door of the bathroom and leave immediately because the next person going in that bathroom is not going to be happy.

What do YOU think?  Leave us comments about your take on upper decker etiquette.

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!

The 5 Worst Things About Receiving Upper Deckers

upper decker
Evidence of an Upper Decker

1. It took you a week to figure out that a prank went down at your party. No, not a prank, an upper decker is pure vandalism. The day after the party, you knew it was epic.  There was garbage everywhere, empty beer bottles, panties, a bloody tank top, and where the hell is the $!*@# cat??!  The whole house smelled a little funny anyway, you know, with the debris all over, but why wouldn’t the toilet flush properly…?
2. You are such an awful person that someone thought that it would be a good idea to take a dump “upstairs.”  Your years of being a dick have finally caught up with you.  Maybe you started banging your best friend’s little sister, maybe it was his mom, or maybe something even more progressive and open minded than that.  Maybe you just got fuckin’ hammered a few weeks back and yakked in someone’s washing machine after mistaking it for a toilet.

3. There is a truly repulsive aroma being emitted from your bathroom and you can’t seem to figure out why.  You finally got the rest of the house to stop smelling like a frat house party.  Sure, it did take a few days and several trips to the dumpster, but you did it.  You still haven’t found the cat but those things are pretty darn self sufficient.  That other bathroom in the guest bedroom still smells like a freakin’ sewage plant and little floaters keep showing up after every flush.  Checking the flapper reveals the worst scenario: Upper Decker aftermath.
4. You are going to have to clean up the human (hopefully?) feces out of the toilet.  This is no small task and many people just opt to call a plumb, a noble profession, just to avoid fishing out the poopy.  If you’re lucky, and if you have received an upper decker, trust me, you aren’t lucky…but I digress.  If you’re lucky, then the poop is solid and you can reasonably take care of this clean up job.  Or, you can be a real jerk (see #2) and get one of your idiot friends trashed and bet him (or her) to clean up for you.  Here is how you can clean up an upper decker.
5. Someone shit in the toilet tank.  Enough said.

Check out what to eat before an upper decker for maximum impact!

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!