Upper Decker at a Sorority House – Alpha Chi Alpha

Here is our latest submission from Cliff in Georgia.  They are a little weird in the south!

upper deckerMy girlfriend has always had a weird sense of humour, so I decided to pull a trick on her. I’ve always enjoyed weird humour as well, so this wasn’t the first time I decided to play a prank on her. We both go to a college in Georgia; I belong to a fraternity and she belongs to a sorority. She is studying to be an elementary education teacher; she hopes to teach 2nd or 3rd grade some day. I’m studying to be a geography teacher because I’ve always liked to travel from place to place.

When we aren’t working hard at our studies we like to play jokes on each other. Every few days or so, we will play a joke on each other. She gave me a glass of juice last, however, I knew it was more than juice when I started to drink it. As it turns out, the drink had alcohol on it; she had spiked my juice. To get her “back”, I decided to put an upper decker in the toilet for her to find. If you aren’t sure what that means, it’s pooping in the upper part of the toilet; the next person will get pure poop at the sorority party.

Even though it will cause terror in the people who get to clean up the poop.  I decided to sneak into her sorority party, so I could leave the upper deck when she least suspects it. Since we play so many jokes on each other; she often doesn’t trust the things I say to her or the things I do for her. We both understand the jokes are meant to be in good fun though, so no one takes it personally at the end of the day.upper decker

I tiptoed into her sorority bath as quietly as I could to plant the upper decker. I held my poop until I got there, and pooped in the upper decker. I knew she would probably be the next person to use the toilet, so I waited. I had my friend tell her sorority friends that bathroom was “out of order;” until she got there. I waited close by to get a response from her. She said she thought it was an accident; but she quickly realized this was a joke I would pull on her. She called me, and said she enjoyed the joke I played on her. She said she would think of a joke to play on me in a few days!

How to clean up after an Upper Decker

upper decker
Wear Gloves! Please Wear Gloves!

You have been the victim or the proud recipient of an upper decker prank (depending on your perspective).  Now what?  Unless you are some sort of strange hoarder of feces, it is time to do some clean-up.  If you have oodles of money at your disposal, you can always call a plumber – but do you really want to explain why you have a deuce in the back of your toilet tank?  As long as your upper decker bandit dropped a D that fell somewhere near the normal range, you should be fine.

Step 1: Remove any solid matter from the back of the tank.  Gross, I know, but  very important.  Buy a fish net or a pair of elbow high rubber gloves.  Dispose of the equipment immediately.  Also, the good news is that when you get that “solid matter”, you can drop it directly into the bowl.  At this point, you have completed the hard part associated with cleaning up an upper decker!

Step 2: Once you remove the solid matter, flush repeatedly until the bowl is clean.  Upon examining diagrams, the water from the tank flushes when the “flush valve” is activated and the “flapper” raises.  This sends the water down the Inlet and into the (I kid you not) “rim holes” or “wash down orifices.”  If you don’t feel like the water is flowing as usual, you may have some solid matter stuck between the flapper and the wash down orifices.  Flush again, keep the flapper raised, and pour some warm water through the Inlet.  This will help to break up the solid matter. Repeat until the water is flushing clean.

Step 3: Disinfecting.  Although you now have a toilet tank upper decker free, it will be quite a while before you stop seeing the shadow of the prank on the back of your eyelids.  This is normal.  That image will fade quickly if you fully clean and disinfect the bowl and the tank.  Use caution if you choose to put bleach or a bleach tablet in the tank, as it can cause some erosion on the rubber parts of your toilet assembly.  Personally, I think a little bit of bleach or a drop in tablet for a week or so after the offending incident is okay as long as you flush frequently and remove after a week or so.  Another option is to dilute bleach in a spray bottle, flush with the tank lid off, and spray the full tank down.  Let the tank refill, and flush again.

Good luck…and remember…hey, it’s just poop.   We all do it.

 

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!

Evidence of an Upper Decker At Grandma’s House

We just got this little beauty in from Preston in Pennsylvania.

Upper Decker at Grandma’s House

upper deckerIt was five in the evening when I pulled into the driveway at my Grandma’s house. I liked the old woman, but spending more than a half hour with her would have anyone snoozing. I thought that if I caught her at dinner I could make a quick exit.Grandma’s house was an old Victorian in a wealthy part of town. I couldn’t hide my surprise when Grandma’s door opened, and a very young woman smiled at me.

“Hello,” she said. “I am the housekeeper here.” She had a Swedish accent and a tiny dress that had me thinking she liked to show off her hot bod.
“You want to see the lady?”
“Yes,” I said. I followed her into the house, and she lead me to the sitting room where my grandmother was having tea and cookies.
“Draw the curtain, Preston. The sun is in my eyes,” my grandmother said. She was a woman of few words and believed that the household help did not require common courtesy. The young housekeeper did as she was told and then left the room.

“She’s young,” I commented.

“Yes. She’s very odd. I’m going to fire her Thursday.”

“Odd?” I asked. I was already bored.

“Well for one thing, her resume listed something called upper decker as a skill. Have you ever heard of that?”

I coughed out a strangled laugh. “Upper decker?” There was no way I was going to explain that to my Grandma.

“Well she’s a terrible housekeeper,” Grandma went on. “I’ll get someone new after Thursday. She can’t seem to keep the toilets clean either.”

“Why Thursday?” I asked.

“She needs to be here when the plumber arrives. I’m having terrible trouble with my upstairs bathroom.”

I coughed again.

“Trouble?” I asked. My voice was squeaking as I tried to keep from laughing.

“It’s just awful,” she told me. “I’ll be needing a new toilet I’m afraid.”

After another few minutes of forced conversation, I excused myself to use the facilities. Instead of heading toward the downstairs guest bathroom, I made my way up the white carpeted staircase. I slipped into the bathroom next to my grandmother’s bedroom. The room was stark white and smelled like bleach. I carefully opened the lid to the bowl and saw nothing unusual. Then I opened the fresh water tank on top, and I almost gagged. The tank was filled with a brown gooey substance. It had a nauseating smell that immediately overtook the smell of bleach. It was an upper decker all right, and it was a nasty one. Little bits of solid poop floated in the dark, dirty water.

upper decker
Evidence of an Upper Decker

I covered my mouth and nose with one hand and flushed the toilet with the other. The disgusting water swirled into the bowl. I waited until the toilet stopped running and flushed again. Then I repeated the process three more times until the water in the tank was clear. When I stepped out of the bathroom, the housekeeper was standing in the hallway with a wicket grin on her face. “You were busy in there,” she said.

I couldn’t help but smile back. “So were you.”

“Your grandmother is an old witch,” she said. “I’m quitting Thursday after the plumber goes, but I’ll leave you my phone number.”

She took her duster and disappeared into one of the bedrooms.

Upper Decker Etiquette: Prank or Lavatory Terrorism

The Upper Decker – A Bold Move!

You’ve just made a very bold move at a party. No, you didn’t just make a move on the hottest girl (or guy) there, you just made your bowel move while perching over the toilet tank. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who have deposited an upper decker and people who have not. You just joined the elite group. But what is the right protocol? Where do you put the toilet paper? Do you initiate the first flush? Do you wash your hands?

You have a couple things to ask yourself – Do I want to lose a friend and gain an arch nemesis?  Should I keep things civil and “clean” so this unconventional prank will be seen as good-hearted?  Is this an act of lavatory terrorism?  First off, don’t be gross, you definitely need to wash your hands.  Let’s talk about the friendly prank.

Friendly Prank: This is going on the assumption that you want to remain friends with the owner of the toilet. Good.  People need friends, especially the kind of person that poops in the tank, you freaky upper decker fiend.  You should most definitely put the toilet paper down in the toilet bowl as normal.  Go ahead and flush since that will get the process going and the toilet owner will be alerted of the brown deposit sooner rather than later.  For the bolder, poop aficionado don’t flush and let the next bathroom visitor find the mess.

Lavatory Terrorism: In this case, the toilet owner is not your friend or has somehow wronged you or your close family.  The dude has some shit coming his way, literally.  Go on and drop your deuce in the top tank. You’ve gone rogue already by taking part in the delicacy of the  upper decker. You can leave that TP darn near anywhere: drawers, cabinets, trash cans, medicine cabinets, etc…  The sky is the limit here and you’re only limited by your imagination.  Again, please, please, please, wash your hands! I can’t emphasize it enough, especially if you’re putting used toilet paper all over the place!  You will want to lock the door of the bathroom and leave immediately because the next person going in that bathroom is not going to be happy.

What do YOU think?  Leave us comments about your take on upper decker etiquette.

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!

Top 10 Things About an Upper Decker

upper decker
The view if you are about to let one drop.

There are various definitions of an “upper decker,” but they all contain a common theme – leaving a deuce in the back tank of a toilet. Your initial reaction might be, “Why would someone do that?” While we can’t address every reason to leave an upper decker, below are the top 10 things that make it awesome.

  1. As we all were taught, it is better to give than to receive. Never has this been more true than with an upper decker.
  2. A well timed upper decker will allow your deuce to marinate for hours or even days before discovery by the unsuspecting recipient. Every parent wants his/her child to live a full fulfilling life, and planting your deuce in the back tank gives your child time to mature to its full potential.
  3. When was the last time you sat on the back of your toilet? Exactly – a fresh perspective on your bathroom might be just what you need to gain a fresh perspective on life.
  4. After leaving an upper decker, no need to flush the toilet!
  5. When confronted by the recipient, you will get a chance to practice your indignant reaction. “How dare you accuse me of doing such a thing?” and if done properly, you can shame the recipient in addition to giving them the deuce present.
  6. If upper decker-ing in a crowded location, it will encourage you to have smooth and speedy bowel movements so as not to draw attention to yourself. If you needed an excuse for a high-fiber, balanced diet this is it!
  7. Leaving an upper decker in an enemy’s tank releases stress and tension. Really, it is the healthful decision for a good night’s sleep.
  8. The economy is down. Be patriotic. Upper decker-ing promotes the purchase of bathroom cleaning products, hand sanitizer, and rubber gloves.
  9. Struggling for conversation on your last first date or holiday family party? Not anymore – “Hey, do you know what an upper decker is? Let me tell you a story…”
  10. Live your dream of being a professional baseball player. Drop a bomb into the upper deck. Home run!

Have you been a victim of an upper decker?  If so, we want to know!  Share your story by clicking here.  If you have pictures, then we want to see them.  Become a celebrity not a victim!

prank poop
Poop