The Upper Decker – A Bold Move!
You’ve just made a very bold move at a party. No, you didn’t just make a move on the hottest girl (or guy) there, you just made your bowel move while perching over the toilet tank. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who have deposited an upper decker and people who have not. You just joined the elite group. But what is the right protocol? Where do you put the toilet paper? Do you initiate the first flush? Do you wash your hands?
You have a couple things to ask yourself – Do I want to lose a friend and gain an arch nemesis? Should I keep things civil and “clean” so this unconventional prank will be seen as good-hearted? Is this an act of lavatory terrorism? First off, don’t be gross, you definitely need to wash your hands. Let’s talk about the friendly prank.
Friendly Prank: This is going on the assumption that you want to remain friends with the owner of the toilet. Good. People need friends, especially the kind of person that poops in the tank, you freaky upper decker fiend. You should most definitely put the toilet paper down in the toilet bowl as normal. Go ahead and flush since that will get the process going and the toilet owner will be alerted of the brown deposit sooner rather than later. For the bolder, poop aficionado don’t flush and let the next bathroom visitor find the mess.
Lavatory Terrorism: In this case, the toilet owner is not your friend or has somehow wronged you or your close family. The dude has some shit coming his way, literally. Go on and drop your deuce in the top tank. You’ve gone rogue already by taking part in the delicacy of the upper decker. You can leave that TP darn near anywhere: drawers, cabinets, trash cans, medicine cabinets, etc… The sky is the limit here and you’re only limited by your imagination. Again, please, please, please, wash your hands! I can’t emphasize it enough, especially if you’re putting used toilet paper all over the place! You will want to lock the door of the bathroom and leave immediately because the next person going in that bathroom is not going to be happy.
What do YOU think? Leave us comments about your take on upper decker etiquette.
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